I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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