I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
