I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
