you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
