I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
