just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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