I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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