He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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