Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
