No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
