so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The feeling are messing with the penis
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
