We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
