I didn't shave. On purpose
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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