Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
