If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
