I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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