I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
