I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
