Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
