Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I smell stomach acid.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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