I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
