I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
