drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
