took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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