I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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