I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you would pick up someone in the library
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
