If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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