Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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