Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
