I want to walk on stilts...naked
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
