I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Life is so much better after having sex.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
