Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
