I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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