I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
