Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
