nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
