Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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