There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so let's talk penis.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The feeling are messing with the penis
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
