On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
