i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
