I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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