Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
