Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
