hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So here I am, sexting at work.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
