Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
