drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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