dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
