My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
