so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
