I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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