ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
