Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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