Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Found the puke drawer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
