I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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