Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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