i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
