I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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