HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
