Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
